why i'm mia.

I've not been active much online, except for occasionally facebook for the last couple of weeks. There is a two fold reason. First off, I have had a headache for about 3 weeks. Its been very similar to a migraine with a lot of light sensitivity. I have been hesitant to take the medicine as prescribed by my dr, and have probably not taken enough, so that is why it is hanging around. I seem to have injured my shoulder or back, probably by only sleeping on my left side. When dan rubs my shoulders he says it feels like I have another bone there the muscles are so hard.
I went to fill up my prescription last night for the medicine and the pharmacist kind of lectured me about how being in that kind of pain is raising my blood pressure and different hormone levels, and is worse for the baby than taking the medicine. I am trying to walk that line responsibly between doing what is best for me and figuring out what is best for the baby. Praise God I haven't had to make this decision my entire pregnancy with the adhesions. I am still praying for wisdom and that elijah would be protected from the effects of the headaches and the effects of the medicine.

The second reason I haven't been online much, is a trickier one, if that is possible. When you have walked thru infertility, and almost all of your friends are IF'ers, you see the world a bit differently. It is amazing how most of the women God has put in my life are IF'ers. Even my friends at work. The only people I know that aren't IFers that I am remotely close to, I am related to! At any rate, I know that we all process this journey differently at different stages. I have not experienced what some of my friends have, with becoming pregnant and it not feeling real, or always afraid they will lose the baby. No, mine is different. I am so scared of hurting my friends, of saying the wrong thing, of mentioning something about the pg and sounding like I am complaining, or of inadvertently hurting them. I find myself withdrawing, even from my friends that are Secondary IF and are asking me about the pg, because I don't want to hurt them. I love my friends, and I don't want to cause anyone pain. I realize that by withdrawing I have upset some of my friends, and even hurt them, which is what I was trying to avoid. I am so sorry. Although nearly all of my friends are sisters in Christ, and I know they forgive me, I feel so terrible for hurting them by withdrawing, but I seem to be always saying the wrong thing... and I just don't know what to do. Its kind of like relieving your awkward teenage years, when no matter what you say or do, its wrong.